3:59 a.m. - 2007-09-22
promises
Reflections
The rain crackles on the sidewalk outside my window. It smells delicious, like Halloween and puddles. The refreshing scent sends me chills as I close my eyes and breath in the cool temptations of distant memories. My mind drifts through the cold stale streets of Fresno and up to the delightfully devious days of Rocklin... and then to you. No matter how much I imagine or dream my heart lingers around the memories of or scandalous first days, revealing phone conversations and nights that remain a mystery even to me.

I crawl into bed every night, thinking of you, wishing you were here. I always wonder what it would be like to feel you close. I think about how far we are apart and how our conversations make me feel as if I am right next to you. It is difficult living each day. I wake every morning to realize I am alone. You wish to be anywhere but where you are, yet I know exactly where I want to be. I contemplate the meaning of �nine months�, which is three times as long as boot camp. It is the real deal, it is wife or death, I can�t believe you are going away. I try to imagine what I will be like in two years. It is happening again, we are being town apart, this time it is on your terms. I can�t believe this is happening to me. Not again. I don�t want to lose you again. See? This is what I do, I tear myself apart, and I worry about everything I cannot control. I cannot control anything. You are already far away. How can you promise me everything will be �okay�?

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